I must say that after watching The Prom, although I love so many things and so many important conversations were started, in my opinion, The Prom fell short. Certainly, the songs were campy, and we expected that. The goal indeed was to captivate (and as always, tread lightly—we want to educate, but not break) the mainstream audience. And so, a nontraditional yet very high school musical approach was taken to this major life topic.
It included the heart-wrenching stories of kids bring estranged from their parents and excommunicated and even a WAY too easy and uncomplicated coming of age moment for the popular kids where they randomly apologized. There was the the mother who, after decades, came back and there were the kids on the internet who found hope as Emma sang with a rainbow behind her head. There was a (somewhat) happily ever after.
And I was left more than a bit disappointed. It wasn’t the acting (although if you know me at all, you know I have notes...). It was the sentiment. The idea that a hefty apology after decades is just that easy to forgive. The idea that these kids could simply have a “change of heart” and apologize. The idea that we are to accept the estranged father because he “hasn’t come around yet”... (just have patience?) or there idea that there is something to come around to. I’m offended by Mrs. Greene’s end of movie speech and feel a SLOW, intentional half hearted golf clap would have been more appropriate than the roaring applause at her TOLERANCE of her newly out daughter.
This show left in my mouth the sickening taste of tolerance, not love, not support. But tolerance. It is that “I love despite” factor. Not “and I love your gayness because it is fully you”. There was no acceptance. No support. There was tolerance. And that is NOT the same.
We are supposed to accept that Barry’s dad just hadn’t come around yet. Barry had the obligation to accept an apology from decades of rejection. And I do applaud and acknowledge every word he says in response to his mother’s apology....? Sure, he says the things.....but the burden is yet still on him to forgive her. Had he not, he would have been the bad guy. And since he was painted as a narcissist, it would have been chalked up even to selfishness.
The reality is that we do NOT have to forgive. We do NOT have to accept. We do NOT have to be happy to be tolerated. We should NOT cheer at your attempt to “swallow the pill” of our gayness. And be happy that you “allow” our partner to attend family gatherings. Or that you love us DESPITE our gayness.
It’s not sufficient. I appreciate the many important conversations that The Prom begins to have, however, I feel that the solutions are far too shallow and simplistic and too tailored (and perhaps afraid of??) mainstream audiences to take a stand that says tolerance is not sufficient. It is not our burden to forgive a world for throwing us out and rejecting us. It is not enough to act like it’s OK for parents to behave this way at their child’s coming out—or to have a need to “come out” in the first place. I suppose I have always been appalled at the idea of “coming out” since I was raised in a home without closets (thank you, mom and dad!!).
But The Prom falls short. It reinforces antique ideals that parents who “struggle” with their child’s gayness are normal, and should be given compassion and that the child has the obligation to understand and forgive them.
Please note that every character that identified as gay and spoke about their parents had a negative coming out experience.
While I know that this is sadly true for many gay people, it should NOT be reinforced in the media as the norm. Where are the parents that demonstrate what is RIGHT?? It is CERTAINLY NOT MRS. GREENE who 1) HATED gay people until “oops” her kids was gay and 2) clearly stated a message of ONLY TOLERANCE towards her child’s gayness. “Whatever you are, I love you”. This is the “I love you despite”... and let’s not forget that Alyssa simply accepts the fact that her mother literally canceled the prom in her hatred towards homosexuality—and with zero consequence.
Are we telling young gay people that this is their greatest hope? To struggle and suffer and then to forgive the world for such suffering and to accept simply tolerance???
Why is there not a single parent who did it right in this cast? One who taught the other parents how they should behave? How is it that Mrs. Greene had ZERO SHAME or consequence for her behavior? How is it that Barry’s mother was just allowed to come back like it was nothing??
The strongest symbol of what is right is Emma’s grandmother, who was basically featured background. Her story and her love were MUTED by two narcissists drawing focus, and a shitshow of tolerance supporting storylines that do nothing to bring about equity in our world.
I appreciate the sentiment, but this show falls short.
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